Alrighty. It's been a little while since I've logged in here to update. I guess I could chalk it up to slow news days. That, and not knowing what form I really wanted this blog to take. News stuff, me stuff, ... I didn't know. But, for the time being, I think I've found the direction this blogging thing is going to take me in.
As I told you in my first post, I am a born-again Christian. I attend church every Sunday. I help out in the nursery during the first service every other week. I'm not so good about reading my Bible daily, but I am trying to make the habit of praying daily. I listen to the local Christian radio station at my desk. A work in progress, you could say.
I find myself reflecting on God's purposes alot during my day. Watching the news, thinking about my life... whatever it is, I'm looking for meanings on a higher plane and how these things relate to God and His Objectives. I'm reading more about God and His Will and Motives. I'm seeming to find more and more people on talk radio discussing matters of faith. It's a hunger that, as you feed it, it gets stronger - more constant.
So, imagine my surprise last Friday (12/17/04) when I learned the IRS had seized my bank account and the last $800 or so that it contained. I was devastated. All of the scrambling I had been doing to keep my family's head above water was for naught. We were dead. Two checks in the amount of $300 each were going to bounce. My car insurance automated payment would bounce. My automated student loan payment was going to bounce. No Christmas presents. ... Every single last breath of air had been sucked out of my proverbial sails.
Imagine my further surprise when it occured to me what God was trying to get me to see in that moment. Those things that I chase (that are not Him), He takes away. Where I don't trust Him to provide for me, He gives me no choice but to develop that faith. And, in a hurry.
It's a pattern I can see developing in my life. Last year, about this same time, I almost lost my husband. Not to some fancy illness or magnificent car accident. I almost lost him to another woman. In the face of what was going on, I had to recognize that I had been chasing my husband under my own power - trying to save my marriage in my own strength. I was ignoring my relationship with the Father and not relying on His promise that "all these things shall be added unto" me if I seek Him first.
So, I got down on my knees and prayed. Every day. Many times throughout the day. I made God my focus and trusted in His promises of restoration. I didn't know what else to do, because I thought for sure I would die and I knew that I couldn't bring Andy home on my own. I'm sure that if God had chosen to not save my marriage that I would have been fine. He would have seen me through it. I thank God, however, that He did see to restore my relationship with my husband and to use that experience to bring my husband back into a relationship with Himself.
Since I've seen what God can do when you seek Him in my own personal life, it's funny to me that I have such a hard time trusting Him with other areas of my life, namely money.
Does it make any sense to trust God with something as important as our salvation, yet not trust Him with the more mundane areas of our lives? I mean, this is the Guy who created the heavens and the earth. The Guy who sent His Son to be born of a VIRGIN. The Guy who raised His Son from the dead. Do we really believe that He can't handle our personal relationships, finances, and whatever else earthly issue we encounter? God's big enough to handle life and death and salvation, but not big enough to handle our day-to-day lives? Silliness, I know. But, it's a trap we have a funny habit of falling into.
This next year is going to be a big journey of faith for me. I'm giving up. I'm getting my butt out of the driver's seat and praying I don't take the wheel again. (Because we all know God will get out of the driver's seat the minute we ask - that whole free-will thing.) This is a lesson I don't want to have to learn again. So, here we go...